so. sometimes i just don't know. i guess other people have light switches, or some emotional equivalent, that go up and down, at will, that turn things on and off. i have no light switch--in continuing this electrical metaphor, while someone who can remain unnamed has a very sophisticated set of circuit breakers and back-up power supplies, i have a fuse box, many of which have been replaced by pennies, and yes, i may burn down at any point, but things are stil working. i mean, the lights are still on, aren't they? i wear my copper-penny fuse box on my sleeve.
work tonight was wonderful. it's so refreshing when everyone there is in a good mood; that might have something to do with management not being there. i think that i was charming at times, to certain people, but really, i don't care what she thinks anymore. there is a stupid part of my fragile heart that wants to fall in love, and an even stupider part (a ventricle, most likely) that already has, and when i don't think about it, i am so very happy. i feel like i was walking through a very fashionable district of tokyo on a beautiful april morning.
so i don't know. rusty says that i am more balanced now. it's been exactly three weeks, to the second, perhaps, since my last drink. he says i am more in the moddle, not as high, not as low. i don't know, really. i think that i am able to be just as happy--if not more so--than i was a few weeks ago. right now, it just isn't happening as often. one day at a time.